Erroneous means wrong. And that's how losing my dad feels. Just wrong.
My first memories - mashed potatoes, peas, some type of meat. Cooking for the kids because mom worked nights. I think of the fact that he worked 6 days a week. I think of lawn mowing, beer drinking, golfing, fishing, playing cards.
I think of jokes, laughing, making fun of one another. Laughing, laughing, laughing.
Support. When I needed a dad the most, he was there. Moving me to college, moving me again to Colorado. Moving me home. Coming to get me. Whenever, wherever.
I thought he would be a great golfing coach - not so much - never claimed to be. I had to ask for pointers.
Thinking he was opening milk cartoons he had made ice in. For the keg. Only there was chicken inside.
Flunking out of swimming lessons. That was fine. My dad taught me. I swim like a fish. I love the water. I get that from him.
Going to work with him. Learning that his long hard days on his feet really meant he was leaning over the newspaper every time I went out to the shop to see him. Now I know why the elbows in his shirts wore out too soon.
Feeling lucky the guardrail caught him.
Sitting on his lap in the car, steering the final mile to Grandma's. Learning to parallel park and hitting his truck. Over and over again. Aced my behind the wheel, in a blizzard.
Fishing. Proving him wrong. I could catch a big fish off a dock. Only it was a worthless dogfish. But hey, I was right. He stole my pretty blue fishing pole. I want it back. Birds. Sharing the joy, excitement, learning, feeding. Discussion just a few weeks ago on what type of bird food was the best.
Buying my first car. "Dad, I can't afford this" "I'll help you out a little" Only because he didn't like how the seatbelt worked in the other option.
We rarely, mostly never said the words "I love you" but there was never any doubt that I was loved. That Ella was loved. That we all were loved. So much, gone before I was ready to let go. But it wasn't my choice. I have to accept that and rejoice in the memories of my dad, and who he was to me.
